My book recounts a childhood spent with an alcoholic father who became violent when he was drunk. He physically abused us, his children,  breaking our bones and beating us until we nearly lost consciousness. I never received many beatings. I was his blue eyed girl. I would rather have had the beatings!!!
My mother used to cower in a corner while the beatings took place. She feared for her life. Once he had beaten a man to death in an hotel car park. He had killed once and had not been caught and he could kill again.
My mother found relief by having affairs with many different men. At times she abandoned us and went off with one of her men. We, as her children, got dumped off at aunts or uncles homes, or got put into Institutions like Convents or Children's homes. When she abandoned me, it was a fate worse than death. I felt that everything was broken and that nothing could be fixed. I felt absolutely desolate.
My book tells of my journey, through therapy with two psychologists, to wholeness. Therapy was awful at times. I felt as though I was on an emotional roller coaster. I experienced a series of highs and lows. When I was low, I struggled with suicidal urges. My family had me diagnosed as a Bi Polar Manic Depressive, the lows and the breakdowns I had, were caused by the trauma of facing my past or medication related breakdowns. The prolonged trauma I experienced going for therapy, caused the mental illness in the form of becoming a Bi Polar Manic Depressive.
Read more about how I overcame and survived a childhood filled with trauma and abuse. There is hope for the most broken, damaged person. I am living proof of that.

Prologue

My whole life changed when I heard the words, “You must have a right view of yourself.” It was August 1995 and I was 42 years old. Those words led to a twelve year journey dealing with my past and overcoming the damage caused by that past.

I was married to Jeff and had four beautiful children. I was a head of department at Bruma Primary  School where I taught grade ones. I was well educated and functioned as a completely normal, healthy, competent adult.

In fact, I strove to be the perfect wife, mother and teacher. Everyone who knew me described me as a competent, well functioning adult.

I was a devoted, loving mother to my four beloved children. Parents fought to have their children in my class. I was a loving, supportive wife who met Jeff’s every need.

I heard these words at a Bible Study group run by Nick and Monica. Jeff and I had recently joined Edenvale Presbyterian Church and had started attending their Bible Study. I had been going to church for years but Jeff had only started attending when we joined Edenvale Presbyterian church.

The words unsettled me. I had left home at the age of seventeen. I decided then to shut the door to the past. I would begin a new life. No-one need ever know anything about my past. 

Welcome!

My name is Margaret Ludick. I have written a book called Rita Remembers. It is a chronicle of my journey through therapy dealing with childhood abuse. The goal of this blog is for me to post portions of my book and share anecdotes of my journey. You are welcome to reach out to me if you have been the victim of abuse in your childhood. I would love the opportunity to share my wisdom and experience with you. Through the process of therapy, I was able to overcome the damage done to me by my abusers and I want to be able to share my insights with fellow victims.

God bless,
Margaret.
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